Knowing When to Let Go
I was working on an outline today, and I had to stop and work out some world-building. And I got stuck. Which sucked up my day.
If you’re reading this, and you don’t know what world-building is, this is the part where you stop reading. But if you don’t, let me sum up: in fiction writing, world-building is just that; creating the world. In SF, we’re writing in a world that is not our own. Maybe it has spaceships. Maybe it has magic. Maybe the Red Sox have won every World Series for 100 years. Something is different.
The secret, then, is defining the different. Because nothing exists in a vacuum. So the Red Sox are winners; what does that do to baseball? What does that do to Boston? Do little boys in Ohio grow up emulating that Boston accent because that’s what champions sound like? These are the kinds of questions you have to answer. Maybe the answers don’t make it into the story, but you–the writer you–has to know.
I was working on a series idea for a military-SF series. I was thinking battlesuits–walking combat armor. And I was trying to reason out, “Okay–assume we find the power source; assume we find a way to carry the ammo; inertia remains in effect, so it’s not going to be all anime and walking into tank rounds. Iron Man is cool as hell on the screen but Tony Stark would be strawberry paste on the inside of that hotrod-red suit.” Unless you can dampen inertia (which means, more or less, antigravity, in which case the whole scheme of economics changes) it’s just better body armor and load-bearing equipment. Which means it’s just a really, really expensive alternative to roles a basic infantryman fulfills all by himself.
Long story short, I’d argued myself right out of the conceit of my what-if. If it can’t turn an infantryman into a tank, why bother with the expense? How do you get a Defense Department to fund a F-22 cost scale battlesuit for a role a dime-a-dozen infantry platoon can fill for a fraction of the cost? I still don’t have the answer to that.
Now, some of you are undoubtedly going “Oh, you dumbshit, it’s a story. Worse, it’s a sci-fi story. Why are you worrying about this?” And the answer is, verisimilitude. And the reality that written science fiction is not Star Trek. You cannot explain away reality and physics with special effects. Readers will abandon you. Which means, I spent an afternoon weighing personal protection against shock and awe and finding niche rolls where a battlesuit (really just impenetrable armor with no superpowers) would be useful. Maybe urban combat? Crowd control? If we can make it fast without beating the literal hell out of the dude inside, penetrations?
An example: “Okay, let’s make them fast. Rocket-assisted jumps. Sixty kph ground speed. Oh, wait–you can’t move a man’s legs that fast. And even if you train them to relax and let their legs be moved, they’ll still get sprains and bruises and bed sores. Okay, so move them into a seat in the body–make them taller–and then–shit. If I do that, why bother? Wheels are probably better in that situation… DAMMIT.”
When I finally gave up, I’m leaning toward using the “there’s no financial reason” as a story plot. I mean, we no longer need $2 billion Stealth bombers. We pay fucktons of money for prestige. This might work.
Now comes the fun part. I get to think about how to kill them. And where to send them. And tactics. And deployment. And service (I like Marines, ooh-rah).
But it took me too many hours to get here.
First-world problems. I has them.
Ranty Time
How many people do you know who’ve said at some point “I’m going to write a book someday,” like they’re qualified to do so because they can almost, sometimes, spell difficult words like “the” and “and?”
You know a lot of those people. Because they’re everywhere. And a whole great horde of them actually compile those books. I’d say write, but that hurts my soul.
And you know what? It irks me. Because that’s my job. I take it seriously. I’ve worked hard at it, studied it, practiced it, failed horribly at at and discovered new things about it. I don’t pretend that it’s easy to do well.
But, apparently, because everyone learns how to “write” in school, anyone can do it, right?
Right?
So here’s what I’m thinking. I can cut a steak with a knife. That means I could totally be a surgeon, right? How different can it be? I’ve peeled the skin off a chicken breast. And I can count–mostly, but hey, that’s what calculators are for, right?–so I’m also going to someday be a banker–maybe on Wall Street! I’ve seen Fox News–all those guys do is buy Jaguars and make eleventy bajillion dollars a second.
Oh! My phone takes pictures. I’m totally going to be a professional photographer.
I can drive my car on the interstate, too–so I have a sterling future in NASCAR! I can learn to speak Tennesee, I’m sure, so I’ll fit right in. Y’all.
I have painted the wall of my house before–so I can be an ARTIST, too! This just gets better and better.
Fuck.
Here’s all I ask: I’m a firm believer than anyone can try to do anything, so long as they’re willing to work hard, learn, and accept that they might fail. But not everyone *can* do everything. I will never be an astronaut. I’ll probably never be a pilot, and I’ll for certain never play professional sports. I don’t pretend that I will, despite the fact that I write science fiction, have flown in a plane and understand the science, and have, in the past, played Horse with a basketball.
Don’t pretend you’re good at something you’re not. I can pick dandelions out of my yard and put them in a cup and set that cup on the table, but I don’t pretend I’m a florist. Knowing the motions does not make you a professional.
//end rant//
Crazy Stupid Love

So I saw Crazy Stupid Love with The Girl (look, I can do code names too!) (and, yes, all of you who are amazed–there is now a The Girl. She is made of awesome and laughter and I don’t deserve her–but don’t tell her that!). It’s a good movie, but calling it a romantic comedy may be a bit much. I laughed–quite a bit–but I also cringed. Because while they got a lot right, they also got a lot wrong.
The short-short version: nice guy’s wife gets bored, has affair, wants divorce. (I know, right? But come, if I can take it you can.) Nice guy move into shitbox apartment (The heavens are aligning here, aren’t they?) and tries to move on/survive/not kill self while wife discovers single life 1.) has consequences and 2.) involves shitty dating and 3.) oh look I still love my husband, I just don’t want his dick. (At this point, dear readers, Jason’s mind just shut down and he giggled a lot. A man can only take so much.)
Enter Ryan Gosling (obligatory shout to The Girl–yes, honey. I know you’re doing the it-can’t-be-real sigh when I say his name. It’s okay. I know all his moves). He is the obligatory player in the movie–the young, fit, rich, mumbling rake all single men (and especially freshly-emasculated divorced men) will trade a testicle-to-be-named later to become. After one too many evenings of listening to Steve Carrell’s nice guy (he put in an awesome performance, btw–so good I wanted to research and find out who the cunt who cuckolded him was, because he played it right) The Rake takes The Loser under his wing.
Begin obligatory “be better than the Gap” montage of sexy sexy clothes (OMG the clothes) and the shoes (seriously, I’m straight–ask The Girl) and the haircuts (meh) and the casual sex. Which begins with best-reason-to-get-older-ever Marisa Tomei. Ohmigod.
What follows is the obvious; the schlub wins back his wife, the whore wife realizes she’s a whore and doesn’t like it, and the rake meets the girl of his dreams. You’ve seen this movie.
The issue with the whole thing is tone; if we dissect it into three acts, Act I is “love is dead and stupid.” Act II is “love will give you the creeping death” and Act III is “Love is roses and ponies and little star-shaped candies on your pillow.” All of those are fine ideas, on their own. But they don’t mix well. There was something about the way the movie ended that didn’t sit right with me. I can’t put my finger on it, exactly, and that bothers me a little–I’m sure I”ll figure it out eventually.
But not today.
Our Hero Ponders Violence

(parental advisory–a graceful muchness of profanity follows in this post–you have been warned)
Two things occurred this morning on my way to work, and I feel I should share them with you, in case tomorrow you wake up and Vancouver is no longer in the news, but instead there’s a small story about a writer from corn-fed country in jail for road rage.
- If you’re a bicyclist, please remember that you have to obey the same traffic laws as those of us lazy bastards who choose to drive cars. I’m speaking here, of course, to you, bearded hemp-wearing “I’m-too-cool-for-internal- combustion” FUCKING ASSHAT whom I nearly ran over this morning because YOU RAN THE FUCKING RED LIGHT right in front of me.It should be not only legal, but Constitutionally-required that I chase you down and run you over with my Corolla. I have said this many times; I am quite happy to share the road with you, but there’s no way in Zeus’ sparky butthole that I’m going to yield the road to you.
- Some of the many wonderful things I rarely use that my tax dollars pay for are very nice, offset concrete sidewalks, away from the big scary roads where the shiny metal monsters (read: automobiles) speed past. If I’ve kindly donated some of the portion of my livelihood the government so kindly appropriates without asking me to such considerate accommodations, DO ME THE FUCKING COURTESY OF USING THEM.Yes, I’m speaking here to you, anti-social non-bather with the bat-infested beard and 1974 tennis shoes and four shirts on-at-one-time DIPSHIT walking down the side of the road, in traffic, THREE FUCKING FEET FROM A SIDEWALK. You’re a fucking idiot, and I hope you get hit by a 19-yr-old sorostitute texting on her phone. With a shitty Jersey Shore tan and a pierced eyebrow.
OMFG
Is there a jihad in progress specifically against Pat Robertson? Because if there’s not, I’ll volunteer to fund one. What a fucktard.
Spreading the Word at the Tip of the Spear
I don’t care what you believe. I don’t care how psychotic jihadists are, or how badly they treat women. YOU DO NOT USE THE UNITED STATES MILITARY TO SPREAD RELIGION. Period.
You. Do. Not.
It’d be real nice if someone, somewhere, would finally out and realize that evangelism and the Constitution do not go together. I’m glad you born-again motherfuckers have found Jesus, and I’m happy as a clam you now have a personal savior or whatever. That’s great. Get his voice on your voicemail and I’ll buy it. But you had better damn well be satisfied with my “Thank you, no.” or else I’ma start my own jihad.
In which our hero looks in the mirror…
… suppresses the urge to vomit.
Holy shit. Is that me!? Holy soggy midsection, Batman! I’ve got to get this shit under control.
I’m holding pretty steady on weight but I’m getting soft… which means the muscle I built up last year is falling away into fat, which thanks to Mom and Dad (hi, Mom and Dad, and your genes!) I carry solidly around my midsection. Which is damn hard to work off.
Also? I need to get in shape because I haven’t been shopping in ages! I need the new shiny. NEW SHINY! I have new shiny sexy clothes withdrawal. I need to get all sexy-fied to get into my sexy-fied clothes. Because I’m shallow and I like getting attention and it makes me feel extra snobbish (if you can believe such a thing) when I know I look hawt.
And yes. I know how gay that sounded.
Bite me. I don’t care.
In which our hero looks inside…
… and finds his soul a seething cauldron of contradictions.
Somwhere, right now, a psychologist is reading this post and rubbing his hands together with Scrooge McDuck dollar signs in his eyes. I know it. You know it. Accept it.
Ah, shit. I had a long list of shit typed out. Never mind. I’m messed up. Doc, someday when I have excess cash we’ll sit down and hash it out. I promise.
In which our hero realizes the depths of his despair…
… and is forced to admit…
… that he’s taken on too much work. And it’s going to hurt like hell to get out from under it.
I pounced out 4,000 word today, original I-just-made-up-the-order words. And I hurt from it, but I have to do AT LEAST the same tomorrow (if not more) and about five times that on Sunday. And ten times that across the course of next week. And at least three times that a week for the next three weeks.
And that’s just to get caught up!
I’ve been off, I admit it. It’s damn hard to concentrate when you lose four weeks to dentistry (okay, three weeks to oh-my-god-this-hurts-why-can’t-I-get-into-the-dentist-oh-yeah-I’m-fucking-uninsured-and-broke pain and then one week of shit-I-can’t-afford-the-good-painkillers recovery pain) and you’re suddenly WAY late on only the second deadline you’ve ever missed since you started writing professionally. Add on top problems getting what’s owed you and missing another month becaue a project that should have been done months before suddenly zombies to life and you get my point.
Shit
Just when you make plans…
… you lose a filling in a tooth. And it hurts. A lot. And now my week has gone from “muchly I will get things done and prepare for next seekrit-projekt!” to “Ow goddam my mouth hurts why can’t dentists be cheaper!”
Dammit.
Dental appointment tomorrow, in preface to hopefully-sedated follow-up visit to get all of sordid teeth (in addition to missing filling) fixed at once.
I case I’ve never shared–I’m one of those people at the dentist. Terrified. Anxiety attacks, tremors, tears. I didn’t always, but long trips with quick-failing novocaine and muchly hurtful pain have made me so. I think I have the means to afford sedation dentistry just now–and if so, I’ll spend it on that. Because if I can wake up with fixed teeth and not remember the chair, I might just become a believer.
Plus, you know… since I’m starting to eye the opposite sex with something besides disdain, it might be nice if my smile wasn’t somewhat terrifying. Vain, remember?




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